Great Romantic Relationship Causal Model

Causal Models

A causal model explains how one or more factors, called drivers, produce a result. The drivers are the causes of the result.

A causal model answers the question:
What must be in place, and what must be done, for a particular result to occur?

In this sense, a causal model functions as a recipe for producing a result.
When the drivers are understood and applied correctly, the result reliably follows.

A causal model of romantic relationships identifies the drivers that, together, produce a great romantic relationship.

Great Romantic Relationship Causal Model (Summary)

A great romantic relationship is produced when both people agree to pursue the gold together, are self-aware of their needs, make respectful requests, and respond kindly to their partner’s requests, creating a balance where both people regularly get what they want.

Here are several diagrams that illustrate how the drivers work together to produce the gold which is a great romantic relationships.

Agreement → Person-A-SelfAware-Responding-Requesting + Person-B-SelfAware-Responding-Requesting → Balance → Great Romantic Relationship

Gold

• Both people feel great together
• Romance is present and sustained over time

Drivers

• Agreement
  • Agreement to pursue the gold together
  • Agreement that the gold is what both people want
  • Agreement to be self-accountable for needs, requests, and responses
• Person A Self-Aware, Requesting, Responding
  • Know what you want from the relationship
  • Communicate what you want
  • Make requests respectfully
    • Requests are framed as bids, not demands or attacks
  • Respond kindly when Person B makes reasonable requests
    • Kind responses reinforce openness and trust
  • Do not punish Person B for asserting needs
    • No complaining, fighting back, or withdrawal in response to healthy self-advocacy
  • Ensure that you sometimes get what you want
  • Actively listen to what Person B wants
  • Ensure that Person B sometimes gets what they want
  • Strive for balance between what you get and what Person B gets
• Person B Self-Aware, Requesting, Responding
  • Know what you want from the relationship
  • Communicate what you want
  • Make requests respectfully
    • Requests are framed as bids, not demands or attacks
  • Respond kindly when Person A makes reasonable requests
    • Kind responses reinforce openness and trust
  • Do not punish Person A for asserting needs
    • No complaining, fighting back, or withdrawal in response to healthy self-advocacy
  • Ensure that you sometimes get what you want
  • Actively listen to what Person A wants
  • Ensure that Person A sometimes gets what they want
  • Strive for balance between what you get and what Person A gets

Causal Logic

• Requests made respectfully invite cooperation
• Kind responses reinforce future honesty and openness
• Punishing self-advocacy trains silence and resentment
• Safety in asking enables accurate communication of needs
• Accurate communication enables balanced need fulfillment
• Together these drivers produce trust, positive affect, and sustained romance

Success Criteria

• Explain, in your own words, the causal model for great romantic relationships, including the gold and the main drivers
• Articulate what you want out of a romantic relationship in ways that meet the standards embedded in the drivers
• Ask for what you want in ways that meet the standards embedded in the drivers
• Respond to your partner’s requests in ways that meet the standards embedded in the drivers